Daydreaming

 Sometimes I get involved with what I’m reading, watching or even fantasizing about. It’s so easy for me to read a book and fall in love; in love with its places, it’s characters, it’s cheesy romance, hilarious comedy and tearful sorrows. The only problem is that sometimes I find myself daydreaming about being them. About running off to some place and being someone completely different than who I am. 

I know that I have a long road ahead before I’ll be mentally and physically happy but I hopeful. I’m hopefully that slowly, one day at a time, I’ll keep getting to know myself again. That I’ll eventually be the girl I used to be. The girl who loved herself more than anyone ever could and made people sick with it!

One day at time. It will all fall into place eventually. It has to.

Remember: You deserve all the love in the world.

In My Head: Episode 1

Last night after making dinner I left the kitchen to cool off a bit and told the husband that he could start without me. A few moments later I joined him in the kitchen to get my plate ready and he moved to the other counter because he said he wanted to have more room. Now, he wasn’t being mean, he didn’t change his tone of voice or body language with me and in his defense, our kitchen is pretty small.

However, in my head the conversation was more like this,

” That’s right. You’re in his way. You’re a huge cow and all you do is make everyone around you miserable. Why don’t you lose more weight and stop being such a fat ass? Fuck, you’re so pathetic. “

It was about that time that he knew what I was doing so he immediately started explaining that he had had his plate on the edge and didn’t want to cause a mess and it wasn’t me at all. It was already too late though. He asked if I was upset and I did what I have always done when asked, I lied. ” Of course I’m fine honey! I’m just getting my stuff ready and I’m still kinda hot. ” Sigh. After 15 minutes or so I finally shut my inside self up and enjoyed the rest of my night as much as I could.

Surely I am not the only person who does this? Overthinking has always been a part of me and trying to break the cycle seems like an impossible task but I’ll keep doing the best I can and hey..

Don’t forget.. You deserve all the love in the world ❤

Weather Report

Moving from a hot, humid, southern region to a cold, dry northern region wasn’t what I expected. Winter for 3 months vs Winter for 8 months. You tell me who you think the winner is.

Needless to say, when winter hit me so did something else that I’ve never experienced, Seasonel Affective Disorder. It was unlike anything I’ve ever felt and has left me in a haze of confusion and emotions.

This article is from last year but I feel like the points in it are really great and hold important information. I found it on Bustle.com and the article itself can be accessed through this link, 6 Scientific ways weather affects your mood.

The sun just came out so I better take advantage of it 🙂 check back often!